In our daily dealings, at work, in family relationships, in the group… it is impossible to avoid frictions and clashes. We have to put up with them. When people really annoy us, we become irritated and angry. The annoying person is the one who bothers us; the one who bothers us, makes us uncomfortable and mortifies us. The annoying person is always annoying.
In the face of those who annoy us, we should never use passivity or counterattack. Resignation and endurance are no better for us, but neither is violent reaction – so often disproportionate and savage. Such violence is usually expressed in three ways: physical violence, such as mistreatment, which is more frequent than is sometimes thought; verbal violence, such as insults in their unlimited diversity of expressions; and mental violence, which is inner accusation and contempt.
Our best energies should be directed, first and foremost, to preventing our uncontrolled reactions that never fix anything, but complicate everything. But how to do this? These are some good pointers.
– Trust in the effectiveness of small positive actions. It is the continuous process of doing good to all. This modest and continuous attempt ends up creating a breathable climate.
– Contagion. Growth comes through the imitation of excellent deeds and not through the application of regulations or respect for laws. Virtue cannot be learned without imitation.
– Do not waste energy on pointless arguments and useless lamentations. Let us reserve our mental and spiritual strength to persevere in doing good.
– Keep company with positive people. We end up resembling them. Positive people strive to improve rather than dwell on the negative.
But even so, the maintenance of good relationships requires us to go through fraternal correction, the embarrassing gesture of correcting the other. Jesus himself dedicated a pedagogical reflection to it (cf. Mt 18, 15-18). It has a special value with friends. It requires the courage not only to be sincere in showing our friend our faults, but also to make him see his own. They are often ignored because of the typical and common blindness caused by pride.
It is a difficult and even lurid operation, because it borders on the risk of breaking the relationship. To carry it out, the first thing to do is to be frank in declaring our limitations; but then we must venture to make him see his own. And this minefield requires caution, delicacy and transparency. True friends see our mistakes and point them out to us; false friends see them and point them out to others.
Juan Carlos Martos cmf
(PHOTO: mariavs)
