Flattery is an exaggerated and self-interested praise given to a person in order to obtain a favour or any kind of gratification. It is a far cry from politeness, gratitude, or even an excessive acknowledgement to whom we owe our life, or help in a difficult moment or a very great favour.
Flattery is at heart a manipulative tactic. It is not neutral and gratuitous flattery. It often hides twisted intentions: under a compliment or a positive comment it conceals a disguised interest. We all love to be told how good we are and how well we do everything. It is a natural feeling. But after false flattery comes a request that is hard to refuse. One can defend oneself against attacks; against praise one is defenceless.
When a positive word is thrown at you, if you refuse what is asked of you, you look bad. Are you a successful person, are you on the rise, rich, running a business, a scoundrel but clever? Then you will have a court of admirers ready to roll out the red carpet in front of you, to praise your virtues as well as your vices, to expect a “tip” from you. But if you then refuse to do what they ask you to do, then you are no longer as good and the other person will be disappointed. And you will automatically feel a sense of guilt that will urge you to do what the other person wants. This is what is intended.
Are you honest but poor? Be sure that you will have your conscience and, at the very most, the people who really love you as your companion. Of course, you will never have a mass of applauders celebrating your moral honesty.
It’s a constant law: to use the crank of flattery, of grains of incense, of inordinate and dubious praise… makes a fool of the person who does it. Because flattery is a delicacy of the stupid, even if it is almost always very pleasurable.
People with low self-esteem need this kind of flattery. They perceive it as a recognition of their merits because they live on the approval of others. They are the most likely to fall into their terrible trap.
As Christians we admire Christ’s way of being: He never sought easy praise, nor did he allow himself to be manipulated, nor did he create networks of dependence with those he favoured. He was clean of heart, unselfish, unbending, unbending to flattery and contempt. He was a free and consistent man.
We are only free from this miserable defect if, like Jesus, we show ourselves transparent, without masks; if we do not beg for recognition and, at the same time, do not show ourselves servile; if we do not have as our only rule of judgment our own interest, if we prefer to praise exclusively good taste, truth, the good. Alone.
Juan Carlos cmf
(FOTO: pventura)
